Alternate Realities

Today I used car keys, and a debit card, and I grocery shopped, and cooked for the first time in four months. I have been without cell phone, without credit cards and debit cards, without car keys, without any keys. I remembered that shopping and cooking are laborious and time-consuming, and also satisfying and delicious. As I built up my stew, adding layer upon layer of ingredients, Elizabeth sighed and said "The house smells so good; it hasn't smelled like this in so long."

I have yet to unpack the suitcases and begin the laundry. Yes, I recall this reality, and it moves me away from that reality, where I did not swear, or whine, or vent my spleen, where I never missed anything I was supposed to be for any reason. Even sick I showed up and said "I'm sick so you might not get my best performance, but I am here."

Wonder what I will learn about being here; wonder what I might be able to do differently for having been there, there on the ship, there in South Africa, and Cambodia, there in Guilin and there on Mt. Koyasan, there on the equator, there on the international date line, there where the Southern Cross rides the horizon, there where I was rocked to sleep, there where the dark at night was deep and the silence a great cocoon in which to rest at night.